


All I Have is Graybeard

by Alapare



Category: The Order (TV 2019)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Fluff, M/M, Post-Season/Series 02, Sad Randall Carpio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:41:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alapare/pseuds/Alapare
Summary: Randall is spiraling with no one to help him. Will the wolf pack realize in time, or will it be too late to help their beloved Randall?
Relationships: Randall Carpio/Hamish Duke
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	All I Have is Graybeard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Randall is spiraling with no one to help him. Will the wolf pack realize in time, or will it be too late for their beloved Randall?

Randall’s entire world had fallen apart. When they’d gone back to the den, the pack saw that Lilith was a demon. She kept telling them that they have to send her back to the dimension because that’s her home now. Randall ran upstairs to his bedroom.

“What’s his problem?” Jack asked.

”He’s been moody for a while now. Let’s leave him alone,” Hamish replied.

Hamish and Jack managed to convince Lilith to stay and find a way to turn her back.

* * *

In his room, Randall was panicking. He’d been losing control over his shifts and wanted to attack everyone.   
  
Randall knew that the knights were no more. Jack kept telling him that they were the same, but with a name change. Hamish would say that Vera is doing this to protect them. 

The teenager tried not to get jealous over Hamish’s newfound love, but he couldn’t help himself. He knew he was in love with Hamish, had been for some time now. He had been their pack leader and always watched out for them. Randall had respected him and over time that respect turned to adoration along with some lust. It didn’t matter now or ever though. Hamish never gave him a second glance, and now that said man was Vera’s lap dog. His longtime crush would forever be a fantasy.   
  
Randall could feel his anger grow the more he thought about it, and his fangs were growing. He felt his claws come out, and he tried to rein himself in. His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he took it out hoping to take his mind off things. It was a text from Gabrielle.   
  
Randall knew he couldn’t keep stringing her along. He tried to forget about his ex leader, but he knew he was too far gone on him. He didn’t want Gabrielle to catch feelings for him, so he texted telling her that they should stop this enemies with benefits. She blocked him.

This made Randall feel even more like shit. The boy felt tears make their way down his face. He wasn’t used to feeling this horrible until late. Randall laid down in bed and buried his face in the pillow to muffle his his little sobs. He didn’t want to take any chance of Lilith, Jack, or Hamish hearing him with their heightened senses.

* * *

When he woke up, Randall looked in the mirror to make sure that he didn’t look like he’d been crying all night. His eyes were a bit red, but he knew he could pass it off as something had gotten into his eyes. He has to get ready for class, so he does his daily routine and puts on his happy facade as he leaves the room.

Randall hasn’t seen anyone he knows all day which he took as a sign that today was going to be ok. That was until he bumped into someone, making them drop all their things. He tried to help pick them up, but he froze when he heard a voice say, “Leave me alone. I don’t need your help.”

He looked up to see Nichole rushing to grab her books and make it to class on time.

”What’s your problem? If you’re still mad that we took your magic from the vault, remember that we got a third of it back. Vera has us still looking for the rest, so you can stop this whole hating me thing.”   
  
“You really think I’m angry at you over stealing everything in our vault? I am, but more so over the fact that Lilith isn’t herself. We may have got her back to Earth, but we didn’t really get her back and you’re to blame.”

Randall had heard this before. It was all his fault. Did she ever think that he was hurting too? He knew Lilith longer than her, so if anything he should be the one hurting the most.

”It’s not just my fault. Jack was the one who didn’t grab her fast enough. I told them not to do it. I told them not to use magic because no matter what magic is always bad. They didn’t listen and Lilith paid the price. Go find someone else to blame,” Randall growled out. He felt himself start to shift and quickly stood up and sprinted to his class.

Nichole sat there in shock. Randall always let her say what she wanted. He’d never fought back and even admitted to her accusations. There was especially never a time where he had wolfed out on her or got angry at someone. She decided not to think too hard on it, and maybe she’ll tell Hamish and Jack about it later.

* * *

Randall was usually participated a lot in class, but after Nichole he just wanted to go back to go to the gym and work himself till he was too exhausted to do anything but sleep. Class seemed to go on forever, and the boy was ready to sprint once it ended. Sadly, he was told to stay back by the teacher.

”Hey, Randall. You’re not in trouble. I was wondering if you were sick. You’re not acting yourself.”

Randall chuckled to himself a bit. Of course, the first person to show some care towards him isn’t pack or someone he personally knows, but a random teacher. How pathetic could he get?

”I guess I’ve been working myself too hard. I’ll make sure to get some relaxing in before tomorrow. Can’t go getting sick before the big test tomorrow, right?“

”Ok then. Take care, Randall. I want to see you in better shape next time I see you!” The teacher called out as the boy closed the door behind him. 

_”All I have to do is get through this last class. The day will be over, and I can go to the den or the gym to relax,”_ Randall thought to himself. Right as he was about to turn the corner, his phone vibrated. He didn’t want to text anyone at the moment but was too curious to ignore the message.

The teen wished he had ignored his curiosity. Vera had texted temple in all caps. _”It’s last period! Can’t she wait?”_ Randall thought, annoyed. He went to the pack group chat. 

Randall: I’m not going to the temple.

Jack: Why not?

Hambone: What do you mean? Of course we are.

Randall: I have one more class to go to, and I don’t want to miss it.

Hambone: You really think missing one class is more important than an assignment from Vera?

Jack: We should go see what she wants us to do.

Randall: She probably wants to do another raid which doesn’t need all three of us.

Jack: All the more reason to go! We were the ones who lost all their magic, so we need to do everything we can to help get it back.

Hambone: We signed the amnesty, Randall. We’re supposed to work with the Order. The three of us are part of the Hermetic Order of the Blue Rose, which means we have to listen to the Grand Magus. We shouldn’t question Vera, so head to the temple. 

Randall’s phone cracked a bit from how hard he was gripping it. He was panting and growling because he couldn’t let himself shift in the middle of the school hall. Randall started running for the exit. He couldn’t stay there any longer. “Jack and Hamish are all Order this, Order that. They keep saying that stupid amnesty wasn’t a surrender, so I’m not going to do everything Vera wants. I’m never going to obey the Order.” 

It may have looked like Randall was talking to himself, but in actuality he was talking to Greybeard. He’d been doing that more often. He could feel his hide’s emotions in a way. It just barely felt like a separate entity since they were technically one.

Randall ran to the woods. He’d been doing that more often now. He’d go into the forest, slightly farther than normal from the den, and vent to Greybeard only to blackout and wake up naked. The teenager knew that Greybeard was a part of him, so the hide could see and hear everything that happened to him, but Randall felt better after yelling about it.

He delved further and further into the woods. Somewhere he felt that neither the Order or the Knights would bother him. The boy stripped himself bare because more than a few times had he transformed fully, destroying all his clothes, and had to run home naked. 

“Everything’s changed, Greybeard! Hamish won’t drink anymore. No day drinking, beer pong, party drinking, celebratory drinking, absolutely nothing, but coffee. We got Lilith back from the dimensional plane, but she’s a demon now! She even wants to go back there, saying it’s her home. Jack is obsessed with Alyssa too. He leaves all of us for her! Hamish hasn’t been acting like pack leader, either. Hell, there isn’t even a pack anymore. The Knights of Saint Christopher are no more. We’re the Knights of the Blue Rose! Hamish is so far gone on the Order, he might as well have been there all this time. He’s all cozy, saying he likes learning all this horrible magic. Nichole, Lilith’s girlfriend-and that’s another thing! Why can I never win? I liked Lilith, that didn’t work! I fall for Hamish while apparently I never had a chance!-So Nichole says to me, every time I see her, ‘It’s your fault Lilith was gone, that the apocalypse was almost caused by a demon emperor, that she’s a demon now and blah blah blah blah! I’m trying so hard to blame Praxis, but I’m starting to think she’s right. It sure feels like it. Back in the fear corridor, this is what I saw. Me becoming part of the Order, and now that my greatest fear has come true I’m not even sure what to do anymore. I’m all alone, and I’ve noticed that lately I’ve been losing control. I keep wolfing out at people. My eyes will glow, and my claws will come out. Maybe it’s the stress or the loneliness, but I lose my temper and almost hurt someone. I don’t want to be dramatic, but I can’t be in the Order for the rest of my life. I should disappear, or maybe I should d-die. You’re a Knight of Saint Christopher, but I signed that stupid surrender, and now I’m a Knight of the Blue Rose. You’re not, though! You didn’t sign that amnesty. You are a hide of Saint Christopher and I’m standing in your way of being that. I’ll be killed anyway once they find out I murdered that Kepler woman. What was I thinking? How could I kill an innocent woman? What am I saying? It’s not a bad thing I killed her! We’re supposed to kill people who do magic because if there’s anything I’ve learned magic is never good.”   
  
Randall had never spiraled this badly before. He was hyperventilating and holding his hand in his hands while he crouched on the forest floor. Randall tried to calm himself down like he normally did and think rationally again, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself out of it. Randall knew he had to vent everything out to Graybeard or else he’d end up losing his cool around others.  
  
“An-And Hamish and I kissed. I was so happy. That was unti-til we got back to them den and he said, ‘Randall and I had to kiss each other to get away from our monitors.’ I thought it was a sign, but it was just to show that I’m an idiot.” Randall was sniffling, and tears were going down his face. He felt intense anger bubbling up before his vision went dark.

* * *

”Where is he?” Hamish growled out as he walked down the hall of the temple with only Jack next to him. 

“Maybe he’s already there,” Jack suggested.

”I doubt it. I bet he went to his last class of the day. What is wrong with him? Whatever Vera wants us to do is obviously of more importance.”

Jack didn’t say anything back. He wanted to support both his friends, but he could tell that he was siding with Hamish more. The Order wasn’t nearly as bad as Randall accused it of being! He just didn’t know how to get the other boy to realize that. 

The two head inside the reliquary to find Vera sitting in her chair already waiting for them. Jack asked her, “What’s wrong? Is there another raid? Did you find more of your magic from the vault?” Vera raises her brows questioningly. “I thought I told all three of you medicums to be here.”

Looking a slightly pissed, Hamish steps forward to tell Vera, “I told Randall to be here, but he wouldn’t listen. He insisted that last period was more significant.” Vera crosses her arms and huffs, “Then I hope you won’t need him to complete this mission. You two are going to be fighting another group for our possessions, and you’re going to win.” She eyed them as she said this showing that this was no joke.

“Why are we fighting them for our things? They’re ours!” Jack didn’t want this to be any more difficult than it had to be. “Because you simpletons stole it and resumed to lose all of it right after, so to them it’s finders keepers,” Vera’s voice took a gentler and more no nonsense tone, “Now go and get what you took back for me.” “Yes, Vera,” She looked at Hamish pointedly before clearing her throat, “I mean Grand Magus. May I ask how we’re going to bring it all back here?”   
  
The woman opened a drawer and grabbed a piece of paper. Jack leaned over her to see what she was writing on it, but she snatched and pushed it against his chest. “Now leave. I have more important things to do.”

Jack left to go finish the job while Hamish stayed behind. “Vera, I really am sorry that Randall isn’t here. As leader I should’ve kept him more in line. I promise this won’t happen again.” Vera stood and grabbed Hamish’s chin to pull him in close. “You can make it up to me with another Grand Magus later, right?” Hamish gulped and felt his face heat up, sighing, “O-Of course. I’ll mix it after Jack and I return the magic to the vault.” Vera leaned in and Hamish began to close his eyes as he thought she was going to kiss him. “I’ll be waiting,” Vera whispered. She pulled away and sat back down in her chair. Hamish relished in the feel of Vera’s breath on his lips before coming out of his stupor embarrassed. He looked at Vera who was going through some papers and took that as his cue to leave.

* * *

Graybeard had never seen Randall lose control like this. The boy had been talking to him lately. The hide knew that he should help the teen, but he had no idea how to. His solution was to fight for control over Randall. For such a carefree boy, he didn’t think that it would be so tough.   
  
“W-What’re you doing?” Randall screamed. His mind felt like it was being torn apart. His claws came out and were tearing into his scalp as he slammed his head against a tree. Greybeard tried to force a shift, but Randall kept stopping it from fully happening. The teenager felt his muscles aching and burning. His heart pounding, and anger levels rising. His insides were coiling, tearing apart. The shifts were reminding him of the time he’d been tested on, and he started scraping long nails all over his body, hollering. The pain the boy was in was nothing for Greybeard as he’d been through much worse. Greybeard had to make him weaker, so that he could gain dominance.

Randall panted heavily. “Oh man, I don’t feel so good.” He passed out on the ground with a thud, blood flowing out his wounds profusely. Graybeard realized this was his moment.

The teen opened his eyes. He saw a bright blue sky filled with clouds here and there. Randall sat up quickly taking in his surroundings. There was grass surrounding him along with boulders and an endless expanse of trees. “What the-? What happened?” The boy stood up calling out, “Hello! Is anyone here?

”Hey Randall. Ever wonder why Lilith chose me over you?” Randall whipped around to see Nichole standing a few feet away. “You’re here too, Nichole? Where did you even come from?” Randall looked around because there was no way he could’ve missed her before. “Lilith didn’t want you because all you do is cause trouble. You’re an idiot, and the reason she became a demon.” “N-No, it’s not my fault. I was the one who said not to do it.” “I know you don’t actually believe that. You blame yourself as you rightfully should.” 

Nichole’s words started to make Randall remember what he’d been conversing with Greybeard about. “Ok, I’m going to l-leave now.” The boy backed away from the girl until his back came into contact with another body. 

”Why’d you do it Randall?

The teen’s skin crawled as he slowly turned around to find Lilith behind him. “What’re you talking about?” Lilith looked at him as her eyes lit up. She growled, “Why did you kill that woman?” Randall’s breaths became heavy. “You-You don’t even know about that.” Lilith ignored his statement while age clawed at his shoulder with one hand. Her other hand pointed to the mark on her face. “I’m not human anymore, Randall! Did you even think about what I wanted? You stole me from my new home.” “I d-didn’t mean-.”

Randall tried to get away from Lilith only to trip over his own feet and fall flat on his hands and knees. He grunted and freaked out at the same time that a foot came down on his back. The teen couldn’t get up from the force of it especially when the person bent down, putting all their weight into the foot on his back.

”Magic isn’t bad, Randall. Stop fighting it. You’re going to be apart of it forever. You signed the amnesty.”

”Hey buddy!,” Randall said nervously to Jack, “Could you get off my back? Also, that’s not true. I could leave anytime.” “Liar, liar, liar. You need to get with the times. All the knights want to do magic. The problem is you.”

Randall couldn’t take the insults anymore. He didn’t know where he was and on top of that all his friends were taunting him. The boy’s stress, fear, and panic was enough for him to start shifting. He used his werewolf strength to get up from under the pressure on his back.

Hoping to lose them in there, Randall darted towards the woods. He looked behind his shoulder to see the others coming towards him. The teen couldn’t figure out why they were after him. He thought they’d leave him be.   
  
Randall looked over his shoulder to see that he’d gained more distance from them. Enough that he could climb up this tree without their noticing. The teenager clawed up the bark of the tree and managed to haul himself onto to the first branch. Randall didn’t think it was high enough so he climbed up till he was halfway up the tree.

 _”I think I lost them._ _What the hell is going on? I can’t stay here forever!”_ Randall panted heavily which turned into wet sobs. The boy watched as Jack, Lilith, and Nichole passed the tree he was in. “It’s probably safe to go down now.” The teen peeked down to make sure everything was safe. 

”Hey. What’re you looking for?”

The shock of hearing another voice around him made Randall almost fall off the branch he was on. “Oh shit!” His voice wavered as he clung to the branch like a koala. His arms and legs wrapped around the underside of it as he desperately tried not to fall. 

“You didn’t answer my question Randall. Then again, nowadays you can’t seem to do anything right.” Randall looked to the branch above his, making eye contact with Hamish. “I was the one who saved Lilith.” “But at what cost Randall? A cost you lied to all of us about.” “We need her,” said Randall trying desperately to get the other boy to understand.

Hamish shrugged. “If you say so. She didn’t want to come back anyway. How dare you put blood on her hands because you can’t live without her?” The boy in question stuttered for a response only to fall short of anything worth saying. “I-I just want everything to go to how it used to be.”

”You mean cause you can’t handle your feelings for me,” the blonde grinned down at him. Stepping on the brunette’s fingers, he dropped down. “Ah! Hambone, can you get off my hand? I don’t want to fall.”

”No, I don’t think I’ll be doing that. Besides, I’d pay to see you plummet to the ground.” Hamish grabbed Randall’s chin (which in turn made the boy’s breath hitch) speaking close to his lips, “I see the way you look at me and especially at Vera. You’re probably so jealous of her.” Randall could hear the blood rushing through his veins; he could tell this wouldn’t be going anywhere good. 

”How often do you think about being with me? Even though you know I’ll never like you back? That I’m in love with Vera?” Randall teared up, “Don’t you think I know that already! But like I said before, you can’t fight your feelings.” Hamish put his hands on Randall’s chest and abdomen. “And like I said before, yes you can.”  
  
Randall couldn’t keep his grip any longer as Hamish pushed him. The boy fell ungracefully, hitting tree branches on the way, to the ground. His entire body hurt, and he was pretty sure he was going to vomit. His entire world went topside before darkness overtook everything.

* * *

It wasn’t until nine pm did Hamish burst through the door of the den with Jack on his back.

”Lilith! Randall! We’re back! Could you bring the first aid kit down to the living room?” The blonde yelled in distress.

Lilith came downstairs with the kit saying, “You all are such babies.” Once she saw the two of them she retracted her previous statement. “Ok then, never mind. What the hell happened to you two? She eyed them curiously as Hamish took some bandages to wrap around Jack and after, himself.

“Vera sent us to go collect more of their magic from a rival magic group. There ended up being a lot more of them than intended and some of them were quite powerful.” “This is what you get for surrendering to The Order. You’re letting them win.” “We did what we had to Lilith. Not that you’d get it. This is Randall’s fault anyway! He should’ve been there to help us, but he ditched us instead.” “WHATS that supposed to mean? Are you turning your back on a fellow knight?” Lilith started to growl, anger simmering just beneath the surface.

”Don’t ever accuse me of siding with those witches. I asked Randall to come with us for help, but he insisted on going to class.” “Wait, so where is he cause he’s not here.” “He never came home?” Randall was usually home by now if none of the other knights were hanging out with him which they obviously weren’t. 

Hamish scoffed, “He’s fine. The guy is a big boy now. He can take care of himself.” Lilith wanted to disagree, but there was no reason as to why she should. “You may be right, but I still have a bad feeling.”

They sat there in silence except for the occasional groan from Jack. The boy had taken a lot of the magic attacks and people for that matter. He was very injured, but it wasn’t anything that wouldn’t heal over the next couple of days. Once Hamish finished Jack and then the bandages on his own torso, the exhaustion kicked in. 

“Let’s all get a good night’s rest, and if we don’t see Randall tomorrow, we can go out and look for him. Deal?“ The blonde raised an eyebrow at Lilith for confirmation which was returned with a nod. They both turned to look at Jack. Hamish sighed and headed for the stairs, “Since he doesn’t have a room here, he can just sleep there for the night.” The boy was beyond caring and fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

* * *

Lilith decided that she wanted to go out to help find Randall.

”I want to see with my own eyes if Randall is ok!” Hamish wouldn’t let her out the front door. “Oooo, Lilith your caring is showing,” Hamish mocked her. She growled at him, her eyes lighting up. “Seriously, you can’t go out in public with that mark on your face.” 

Lilith frowned, but she couldn’t disagree. There’d be a lot of unwanted questioning for sure. Until she had an idea that Hamish couldn’t deny. 

“I never thought I’d have to do this, but you can go out and buy me foundation.” 

Hamish chuckled. “You? Wearing makeup?” “Oh shut up. Just go out and buy me some. I can cover this mark with it, so you’ll let me go out.” Hamish rolled his eyes, but made his way toward the front door anyway. “I’ll be back in fifteen,” he grinned, “Don’t go anywhere.”

”This is why you don’t tell jokes!” was the last thing Hamish heard before going out to the store.

* * *

Once Hamish was alone he realized that he only had his thoughts to entertain him. Randall was always trying to be with pack if they weren’t busy, and without him it was strangely quiet.

 _“What if Randall really is in trouble? Was he being a bad leader by not checking it out?”_ Hamish dismissed the thoughts as soon as they were made. “Just because he doesn’t come home for one night does not mean we should jump to conclusions,” Hamish tried to reason with himself. He thought about Randall and various other things (mostly Randall) the whole time.

Looking up, Hamish saw Sephora; to add on to Lilith’s earlier statement he never thought he’d be going in here, especially for Lilith. The boy went inside. Immediately having no idea where to go, he wondered if he should ask for help. _“How hard can it be? There can’t possibly be that much makeup?”_

The blonde gave up after going through rows upon rows filled with all different sorts of beauty products except the one he wanted. He opted to find someone who works here, but was pleasantly surprised when he heard a young woman ask, “Are you finding everything ok?” 

“Actually, I was looking for foundation,” smiled Hamish politely. “That’s at the front, sir.” The lady walked away, and Hamish followed. He reprimanded himself for a second. _“Why did I not look at the front first?_ ” He resisted the urge to smack his forehead.

As soon as they got to the front Hamish began to look at all the different skin tones of cream. He was about to grab one that looked slightly tan when he noticed the lady hadn’t left and was checking him out. The boy was about to say something when she turned to the creams and picked out one a few foundations down from the he almost grabbed. 

”I think this one matches your skin tone best.” She grabbed the tube and his hand, putting them next to each other. “What do you think?” The lady looked up for his opinion.

It took Hamish a bit to get with a program. When he realized that she thought he was getting this for himself, he politely took his back. “I’m not shopping for myself.” “Is it for your girlfriend?” interrupted the girl.

Hamish couldn’t keep in a laugh at that. Him and Lilith? The thought was hilarious. “Oh god no,” Hamish said through chuckles, “she’s a very close friend though.” “That’s very kind of you. Ladies love when a man buys her a present.” She winked at him before walking away. Hamish’s laugher continued all the way through checkout.

* * *

Randall felt a wetness on his cheek and lips.He blearily opened his eyes to see a dark blob on his check. Closing his eyes again, the boy groaned trying to stop the pounding in his head and aching in his body. At least enough to collect his bearings. He reopened his eyes at the feeing of a tongue on his chin. Peering down, there was a dog on his chest. 

Randall sat up in which the dog slipped down to his lap. The brunette didn’t even bother to wonder where it came from. Everything just poofs here. Wherever here was. 

He was shocked as he realized that the dog looked exactly like Bandit! A little grin came to Randall’s face. He picked up the dog saying, I’ll name you Bandit Jr!” The boy cradled the dog as he went to explore.

He gave up on that idea! Everything was the same. Trees, rocks, pebbles, boulders, grass, and a bright blue sky. Randall decided to stay where he’d first been instead of getting lost by going deeper into the forest. Though you could say he’s already lost since he has absolutely no idea where he is.


End file.
